Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
