it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
