I never want to see another naked old woman again.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
