Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
