If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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