My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
