I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
