If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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