but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
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Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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