is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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