he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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