I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
