so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
