do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
