No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
