It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
