i wish there were pregnant emoticons
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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