wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
