i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
