once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
