i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
