Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
