all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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