I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
