hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
