Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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