my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
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