What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
