you mean i was at the winter classic?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
