At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
