so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
