I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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