i think my tv is drunk
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I wish i was in the wii world.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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