did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
