def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
