2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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