god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
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