Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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