the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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