I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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