ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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