Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
