weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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