Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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