Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
No subtext here. People are naked.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
