11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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