Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Boobs are out for the taking
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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