If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
