I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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