Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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