So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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