Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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