Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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