if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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