He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
