im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
