I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
