I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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