to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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