it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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