Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
