You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize