I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
