Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I understand Curling. That high.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
