1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
