GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
